The Internet and it’s Chocolaty Center

I’m going to explain why the Internet is one of the most epic failures known to mankind.

The Internet, who would, dare conceive of defiling the logic and brilliance behind this man-made god. I, for one question the morality of the Internet and what good it brings to anything for that matter.

First and foremost, the Internet lingo, and why it fails. “omg u giez, want 2 go hang oot n stuff?” “i got sum sh!t 2 do 1st, den ill roll wit u k?” Its grammar and spelling like this that makes me want to gut people like fish. The occasional dropping of an apostrophe or saying “u” is fine every once and so often, but honestly, spelling like this makes my, and a lot of other people’s eyes strain. Not only that, but you’re harming your own intellect and quite possibly disintegrating your own IQ, which chances are if you’re reading this and using it as a guide to shape yourself, you probably can’t risk losing those points as it is. Another annoyance is the dreaded “LOL CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROLL FOR COOL TOWN”. No, it’s really, really not. Caps lock just proves to people that rather than them having to show you you’re an idiot, that you can show them that you know you’re an idiot and they’d be wasting your time and theirs trying to show you otherwise. Yeah, okay, I’m a bit of a grammar Nazi, big deal, some people say Rommel was a bit of a Nazi too, and look how awesome he was, his only fault was that he listened to Hitler.

Secondly you have the delightfully unintelligent inhabitants of the Internet, who are widely known as “trollers” or “trolls”. These are people with nothing better to do with their time but tell you how you fail in every aspect of anything you say or do when they themselves are doing just that, making them hypocrites. These people usually are about as smart as a picket fence and can be taken down the same way, with the use of the claw on a hammer. Common weapons in the arsenal of these trolls are Internet memes which include the dreaded Rick Roll, the Orly Owl, your mother jokes, and thousands of Chuck Norris jokes. In addition to memes these trolls usually spend sleepless hours researching you to find the smallest flaw in which to mock you. Now, it may seem that I’m ranting when in fact, no I’m not, I remember the statement, and here I intend to prove it true. Due to the lingo, English scores in public schools have diminished and some people find it hard to read normal or make sentences correctly, failure. The troll situation speaks for itself as it is basically basic training or boot camp in becoming a stalker, which is a bad career choice as for the fact it’s going to get you’re ass handed to you on a platter.

All this aside, there is potential for the Internet, but it needs a filter whereas people that are less intelligent than anyone is not allowed to have anything to do with it. Yes, I realize what I said there, don’t point it out, you’ll look like a fucktard, you fucktard. One small thing about the Internet is that is introduced two concepts into the lives of many. One concept is that of leet, or for you people that don’t live under a rock, 1337. To be 1337, is to be elite, the best, to be truly better than the rest. This is NOT to be confused with being awesome although people who achieve awesomeness usually have the quality of 1337 within them and show it normally on a daily basis. As this is not about being 1337, go read somewhere else if you’re interested in it. The second of these concepts is the concept of “ownage”, or to own someone. Ownage is a concept that you either understand it, or you don’t if you don’t then you can’t be awesome and vice versa. If someone gets shot, that’s not ownage, that’s someone getting shot. If you fall downstairs and get up, that’s not ownage. If you fall downstairs, slam into pottery, shatter it and get impaled with it that, is ownage. In short, the internet sucks, go play with a ball.

As a continuation to the hate of the internet speech I have to add a paragraph based on everyone’s favorite company, Apple. Apple computer is the epitome of hell within the computer industry, and they are beginning to branch themselves off into pretty much every other industry that you can think of under the sun. With the introduction of the iPhone which has multiple applications such as being a miniature computer, a phone, and a calculator, among many more which I would bitch and complain about if i actually owned one. In order to own one id have to buy one which would make me a hypocrite which, necessarily isn’t a bad thing but I’m not about to start on that subject as of yet. Your iPhone, and iPod, and even iMacs, in essence, can do anything the other can with the exception of maybe one or two things. So my question is why not hold off for a certain amount of time and rather than invent multiple devises making the previous less and less useful, gather all of your ideas and create one massive great devise called the iAmAwesome. Which might i add is now copyrighted so if you want this idea you can gladly send me a check for five hundred thousand dollars in the mail, I would graciously accept. At the course of which you are inventing things now, I have comprised a list of possible inventions that i can foresee becoming one of your next many brilliant inventions. These ideas include, but are not limited to; the iCamera, which in essence is a camera but can do everything your iPhone can, including taking pictures, the iRock, which is in fact a rock with a USB port and no more usage than that it is compatible with all Apple technology in that it can equip itself to it and be a rock! Other non-enthusiastic ideas which I will not present to you based on you could potentially make money from it are the iBlender, the iThermometer and the iEye. Furthermore, you do not own the letter “i” which is one of twenty six letters, twenty five of which you are being very discriminate towards and i am going to have to ask you to cease and desist your “letterist” behavior towards these letters as they have done nothing to you and have no ill intentions toward you, if you ignore this request it may lead to legal action. You have been warned, good day.